When Everything Breaks Down
Recently, my car broke down while I was driving in circles—on the orders of my mechanic (it’s a long story). My husband was away, and there are no cabs, Ubers, or subways in my rural town. I had planned to have a lunch meeting, do some work, and take an exam, but those plans quickly went by the wayside.
I laughed as I scrambled to make calls—to arrange a tow, pick up my child, cancel appointments, and reshuffle the week ahead. You can’t do much up here without a car!
I became curious about my ease and “what are you going to do” response to this clearly annoying occurrence. I heard myself saying things like it could be worse, at least it’s not raining, at least I don’t have major commitments today. And as those words came through me, I wondered—how was I so calm and low-stress when I was really pretty stuck? The answer came quickly: capacity.
What Capacity Really Means
It’s a word that’s been on my mind a lot lately. It seems obvious, but we often forget how much our ability to be the people we want to be depends on our preparation and our circumstances. In this case, my daily meditation and newly added yoga nidra routine created a baseline that was resilient in the presence of adversity. Additionally, what screamed loudest to me was that my recent ability to have spaciousness in my schedule was a critical contributor to my ease in a stressful situation.
In the past month, as time has opened up in my life, I’ve felt eager to give, help, volunteer. Alongside the call towards generosity has been this little voice in me asking: Where was that generosity a few months ago? Then I remember—the strain of my schedule, the exhaustion that colored everything. How quickly we forget how we felt when we were in a harder place as soon as we are out of it.
I’m not saying we should wait for times of total ease to be generous—those may never come. But it’s vital to know where we are, on any given day, along the spectrum of capacity. That awareness builds self-compassion—and helps us recognize when tending to our own needs is the most generous thing we can do.
When we care for our vulnerable selves, we prevent burnout and the kind of resentment that can quietly burden others. That, too, is a gift.
Connection and Vulnerability
As I waited for my friend to pick me up from the mechanic, I tuned into the Collective Trauma Summit where Prentis Hemphill was speaking about The Transformative Power of Vulnerability. They described the link between stress and support-seeking—and how healing it can be to lean into connection instead of retreating from it.
Listening, I realized how my “car breakdown day” had become a quiet moment of grace. I had been able to rely on people around me—for rides, help, patience—and it felt good. Lucky, even. That willingness to lean on others created exactly what Prentis described: connection.
Try the Capacity Scale
So here’s an invitation…
Check in with yourself—mind, body, and heart—and ask:
On a scale from 1 to 10, where is my capacity right now?
If it’s below a 5, you likely need to tend to yourself first. What restores you at “1” may be very different than what helps at “4.”
- At 1, you might need rest, quiet, or a nap.
- At 4 or 5, a breathing exercise, yoga practice, walk in nature, or coffee with a friend might support you.
- As your number rises, giving and connecting may start to fill you again instead of depleting you.
These numbers can shift from moment to moment. Try asking yourself this scaling question daily—for the next month, or as part of the My Bliss Book daily life purpose coaching program and planner.
If you find your capacity consistently low over days or weeks, that’s not a failure—it’s a signal. You may need therapy, coaching, or community-based supports to restore balance.
Tracking this simple scale helps us get honest with ourselves—and honesty, as always, is the beginning of healing.
Final Reflection
So, where are you today on your scale?
Let me know in the comments if this exercise resonates with you, or if you’ve found other ways to track and tend to your capacity.
I am currently accepting in-person and virtual therapy clients based in New York State. You can learn more about my trauma-informed approach to therapy here.
