by jimmycrow | Dec 16, 2023 | COACHING, COMMUNITY, LAND BLOG, LARA LAND, Self Improvement, SELF-IMPROVEMENT
In the intricate tapestry of human relationships, the concept of trauma bonding stands out as a complex and often misunderstood phenomenon.
Rooted in shared experiences of adversity, trauma bonding creates powerful emotional connections between individuals who have endured difficult or traumatic situations together. This blog explores the dynamics of trauma bonding, its psychological underpinnings, and offers insights into breaking free from its grip.
Defining Trauma Bonding
Trauma bonding refers to the intense emotional connection formed between individuals who have experienced challenging, distressing, or traumatic events together. These bonds can arise in various relationships, including familial, romantic, or even within tightly-knit communities. The shared struggle creates a unique connection, binding individuals through a shared history of pain.
The Psychological Mechanism
At its core, trauma bonding is deeply rooted in the psychological mechanisms of attachment and survival. When individuals face adversity together, a powerful bond forms as a coping mechanism. This bond becomes a source of comfort and support, even in situations where the relationship itself may be unhealthy or toxic. The brain, in an attempt to survive and find solace, strengthens the connection between those who have faced trauma side by side.
Common Scenarios of Trauma Bonding
- Abusive Relationships: Trauma bonding is often observed in abusive relationships where the victim forms a strong emotional connection with the perpetrator. The cyclical nature of abuse, with moments of kindness following episodes of harm, reinforces the bond.
- Hostage Situations: Individuals taken hostage or held captive can develop trauma bonds with their captors. The shared experience of fear and vulnerability can create a bond as a survival strategy.
- Childhood Abuse: Children who experience abuse within their families may form trauma bonds with their abusive caregivers. The attachment to the abuser can persist into adulthood, impacting future relationships.
Breaking Free from Trauma Bonds
Recognizing and addressing trauma bonding is a crucial step toward breaking free from its influence. Here are some strategies for individuals seeking to overcome trauma bonds:
- Self-awareness: Acknowledge and understand the dynamics of the trauma bond. Recognizing the pattern is the first step towards breaking free.
- Seek Professional Help: Trauma bonding can be deeply ingrained, and seeking the guidance of a therapist or counselor can provide valuable insights and coping mechanisms.
- Establish Boundaries: Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries is essential. This involves recognizing when a relationship is harmful and taking steps to protect oneself.
- Build a Support System: Cultivate connections with friends, family, or support groups who can provide healthy emotional support. Developing positive relationships can counterbalance the impact of trauma bonds.
- Self-Compassion: Understand that breaking free from trauma bonds is a process that takes time. Be patient with yourself and practice self-compassion as you navigate the journey toward healing.
Trauma bonding is a complex and challenging aspect of human psychology, impacting individuals in various relationships and situations. By fostering self-awareness, seeking professional help, and cultivating healthy connections, individuals can break free from the chains of trauma bonding and embark on a path toward healing and resilience. Remember, the journey toward breaking these bonds is an empowering step towards reclaiming one’s emotional well-being.
by Lara Land | Feb 13, 2023 | COACHING, COMMUNITY, LAND BLOG, LARA LAND, Self Improvement, SELF-IMPROVEMENT
Creating safe as possible spaces is at the heart of trauma-sensitive yoga trainings and all my teachings.
It’s something teachers, coaches, and facilitators of all activities and teams, including in the workplace should learn how to do. The beautiful thing is that workplace, school, sports and yoga classes, and events can be made exceedingly safer by implementing even a few of the skills I and other trauma sensitivity trainers teach.Â
Many people misunderstand these safer spaces as providing a way for people to avoid their fears and yet, it is actually the opposite. It’s by entering safe as possible spaces that trauma survivors are able to relax enough to expose themselves to stress-inducing situations and work through them.Â
The safest and most effective way for a trauma survivor to do this is at their own pace. Just like in exposure or desensitizing therapies, they must have the tools to consciously relax the body once the sympathetic nervous system response is activated. They can do this immediately using the breathing and relaxation techniques taught in yoga and later increase the amount of time they allow themselves to be stressed until the body gets used to it and no longer becomes dysregulated in the position. It’s a practice and an important one that has resoundingly positive ramifications off the mat in real life.Â
This is the same in any environment, including the workplace, sports teams, or school. However, this is only consistently only possible if the student, player, or practitioner is in charge of how much they expose themselves to the stress and only if they have a coach, teacher, etc whom they trust and who can help them through the process. Only in the case of a licensed and very skilled exposure therapist does this rule change. As most of us aren’t that, we need to step back on the pushing and adopt a stance where the practitioner leads and we celebrate their pace. They will grow at their pace. This is not something we need to worry about. We need to worry about the safety side.Â
Exposure is all around us. Safe spaces are not.
See my upcoming trainings and workshops to delve more into this and more aspects of trauma sensitivity in yoga and in the workplace.
by Lara Land | Feb 6, 2023 | BOOKS, COACHING, COMMUNITY, LAND BLOG, LARA LAND, Self Improvement, SELF-IMPROVEMENT
I first started working with Besty Polatin when she was my Alexander teacher at Boston University where I was studying Theater.
Alexander Technique was one of the solid handful of body-based models I strongly attached to during my time at University and which pulled me in the direction of body-mind healing as a profession and core interest in my life.Â
Besty’s interpretation of the Alexander Technique and emphasis on doing less caused me to look at my life in a new way. I started questioning the busy work I was hiding behind and began focusing on actions that birthed larger results and left more space in my life. I also began to realize where I wasn’t taking responsibility in my life and shift that dynamic.
To this day I do Alexander Technique exercises and use the guiding principle of doing less in my yoga poses and classes. I will often ask my students what tensions they can eliminate while still keeping the shape of the yoga pose.Â
What I didn’t know during my Boston University years was that Betsy Polatin’s body of work contained so many more modalities and eventually culminated in her own framework which she describes in her book Humanual. Betsy uses breathwork, centering, somatics, and other techniques all with trauma sensitivity. Her fresh and impactful look at trauma and the artist has made her a go-to for all kinds of artists and performers seeking to get unblocked and fully express themselves. She even has a course on trauma and the artist with Somatic Experiencing founder, Peter Levine.
Betsy and I discuss all of this in the latest episode of the Beyond Trauma Podcast and conclude one thing is certain: Bodywork isn’t about the body at all. It is human work, capable of releasing all types of trauma.Â
by Lara Land | Jan 9, 2023 | BOOKS, COACHING, COMMUNITY, LAND BLOG, LARA LAND, Self Improvement, SELF-IMPROVEMENT
There is often a sense that we have to heal alone, that our problems are ours that others can’t get, or that we wouldn’t want to sit around listening to other people’s issues.
Maybe we even think it might drag us down even more than we are. I know I had these thoughts even up until recent years when I’ve begun to dive into the power of collective healing and the impact of acknowledging and diving into the collective that we are undeniably anyway in.
There are a few ways that I’ve been exploring this in my work. A few years ago I started to deepen my knowledge of circling and how to create a circle which is also sometimes called council or many other names. I’ve since incorporated it into all my retreats and trainings. The collective knowledge that comes to the surface is so powerful Folks see themselves in each other, often recognizing parts they couldn’t previously put words to. They also feel the group hold and support them.
The power of the collective energy created in groups is undeniable. It’s why in the Jewish traditions there are prayers that must be done with others. We just can’t get the energy right otherwise. It’s also fair to say that we can’t heal alone. Healing is always in relationship. We learn in our interactions who and how we are. Without that, our idea of self is theoretical.
Sabrina Vedete Elmaliah knows this well. In her work she leads circles of women in womb healing using yoga, chanting, crystals, and nature immersion. We met in sauna at our friends at Steady Slope an AirBnB I highly recommend! My conversation with her is the latest offering on the Beyond Trauma Podcast. We explore group healing, energy work, womb healing and more!
If you are interested in circling and deep healing, join me for my Reemergence Retreat this March.
by Lara Land | Dec 26, 2022 | BOOKS, COACHING, COMMUNITY, LAND BLOG, LARA LAND, Self Improvement, SELF-IMPROVEMENT
It’s taken a few decades, but psychedelics are finally back in the public conversation, and in the discussions around healing trauma.
Their active component psilocybin for many works to release years of trauma that remained in the body even after other therapies.
Folks like Michael Pollen, Gabor Maté, Tim Ferriss, and many others have propelled this topic to the mainstream and their readers and listeners are taking note and trying what many call magic mushrooms for healing trauma.
My latest guest on the Beyond Trauma podcast, Rachel Aiden, is a trauma and psilocybin specialist and is currently the CEO of Synthesis Institute, an organization committed to developing evidence-based practices for training practitioners to safely, ethically and effectively support people on a journey for healing using truffles containing psilocybin. They have a proven track record for leading safe, legal, medically supervised psychedelic retreats for more than 1000 individuals and Rachel maintains that is because of their very specific method.
She wants folks interested in psychedelic healing to know a few things. The first is that there is no magic pill for trauma healing. Plant medicine works in conjunction with set and setting. The right preparation, environment, dosage and support systems before, during and after the experience are deeply important to its power to heal. It is critical that folks, especially those who are trauma survivors, do their research and take their time with this process to make sure they have proper screening for counter-indications.
When it is a fit though, magic mushrooms can work like magic to unlock and release years of stress, provide a deep clarity and connection, and open one’s heart to boundless, universal love. As Rachel puts it, you realize you don’t have to carry the weight of your trauma anymore.
Rachel is at the forefront of the research around psychedelics and trauma healing. Take a listen to our conversation on the Beyond Trauma Podcast and consider whether plant medicine may be the answer for healing your trauma.
