Is this real life? Is this how things will now be? What is coming in 3, 5, 12 months and if I don’t know, how can I plan?
These are the questions plaguing so many people today.
Should I move forward reaching for, developing my goals when the future is so uncertain?
The short answer is yes.
We need dreams, goals, and plans. They keep us motivated and excited about living. Without them we drift aimlessly unsure what to do with no reason for anything we are doing.
Humans crave direction.
So yes. You should, now maybe more than ever, have goals and dreams.
However, these can’t be the same as your pre-Corona ambitions.
Life has changed and being able to adapt and modify is crucial for moving forward.
What kind of pursuits and activities will be relevant in the near future?
Here are some ideas:
Things which save, protect, or do no harm to the environmental
That which helps with the problem of loneliness
Connecting people in need to resources that help them
Anything anxiety reducing
Those which attempt at new ways of collaboration
Feel good activities that make ppl laugh
This is just the tip of the iceberg. Only YOU know the idea or ideas that will work for you as you plan ahead. The winning ones are all inside of you right now. They may need some nudging to come out or some nurturing. Do the things which help ideas grow. Meditation, walking, writing, talking to friends. Brainstorming with us at Goal Setting and Reimagining in Our New World this Saturday 12:30p-2:30p.
Find your new path and commit to the steps along the way because you deserve to move forward and the world deserves your best ideas.
Sometimes a little nugget of knowledge appears and changes EVERYTHING.
That happened to me a couple of years ago when my now husband proposed to me.
I wrote about it here….
Did you catch it?
I said the engagement proved you don’t have to believe.
Many coaches teach the opposite, that in order to make something happen you have to see it clearly in all its details, but here it was, something I could never fully visualize happening… to me.
I shared the nugget of knowledge, and then let it rest within me. Dormant.
Cut to a year later and I’m prepping for our wedding, starting exercise just six weeks after having a little baby girl.
I had already bought my wedding dress and I had A LOT of weight to lose to get into it.
I invested in a private trainer and committed to working out 3x weekly till the big day.
TWO weeks in I felt hopeless. I’d come in from those workouts with a face so red it would elicit laughter from my husband but NOTHING was happening on the scale.
I felt pretty down and unsure I’d ever get into that dress. I didn’t really believe in myself, but I didn’t need to.
I had someone who believed in me.
My coach, Chris Barker. My coach never wavered in her belief of me. The way she expressed it was so matter of fact it could not be questioned. And that was enough.
It was what I needed to keep me going. I didn’t believe in me, but I could trust in her.
And she was right… four months later I was in that dress.
This time the nugget stuck. You don’t have to believe. Sometimes it’s impossible to do so. Too challenging. Too draining. Too much pressure even. Those times when you can’t believe it is saving grace to have someone else who does.
And not just anyone else…
When you have a professional:
*someone who has seen enough to know for sure that others like you have come through the other side
*someone who has experienced enough to help you find the way
*someone who cares and doesn’t waver
When you have that person, you can do anything.
hat’s the person I intend to be for any of you trusting me enough to join me in Mykonos this June.
This is not just a yoga retreat.
In fact, you don’t need to do any yoga to get a world of benefit out of it.
This retreat offers a unique program for each individual, which combines yoga, meditation, & personal coaching in a gorgeous, luxury, peace promoting environment where you can rest, rejuvenate, think and create.
Your next great step is coming. You may not see it, feel it, or believe it,
You don’t have to.
To learn more about the magical retreat I have planned click HEREHERE.
It’s a common practice especially in this city to groom your child to be the best. This means starting from early as two months out with scheduling, training, classes, and obedience. It’s a commitment I’m pretty amazed at but have no desire to introduce to my own child.
Being “the best” is a singular position. By definition, there can only be one. This means slim chances of achieving it and many bouts of disappointment. Sure we can learn from our failures. Yes, we can grow and improve by setting high expectations. But setting a standard so high it can only be enjoyed by one leaves too much room for the feeling of never being enough.
Being the best requires hyper focus and while this kind of focus is a wonderful thing at certain times and can lead to great achievement, it means absolutely neglecting parts of life. Training to be the best at one thing means not putting time into other things in life. It is the one and only category. You will by definition miss out and since I believe childhood is for exploring and expanding, I can not groom my child to be the best at one thing.
The top spot is a title designed to be occupied for a brief time. There is always a person just behind trying to beat your record, be or convince others they are actually deserving of the one title role. This creates serious competition and rivalry and while competition can lead to the creation of top ideas and products, collaboration is a better way to get there.
One can never be satisfied being the best, because one knows it’s impossible to remain there long. So one spends one’s entire time there trying to figure out how to hold on to something fleeting, never even enjoying the fruits of labor.
Being the best is boring.
Instead I’m teaching my daughter trying her best.
You can try your best without perfectionism, isolation or competition. You can try your best at kindness, understanding, thoughtfulness, honesty, contribution, curiosity and discernment as well as any other topic or activity. You can try your best to be uniquely you and embrace yourself as you are all while trying your best to learn and grow.
Trying your best means having a gentleness toward yourself even and especially when you don’t perform the best. This leads to an acceptance of others when they struggle and recognizing they too tried their best. It creates a better, happier society of trying hard while holding space for all outcomes and that’s how I want my daughter to live.
What do you think about being the best verses trying your best? Tell me in the comments below.
It’s an anxious time and so many people I know are seeking the help of therapists which is truly wonderful. Therapy provides a certain outlet and support unique to any other and I often refer people to the very qualified caring therapists I know.
Coaching, which is what I do, is not therapy. It provides a very different and specific kind of support and often goes hand and hand with therapy or works independently.
During my two decades working with people intimately on their issues: mind, body and spirit I have seen certain common problems and patterns which are efficiently worked through during the coaching process. That is why I believe most anyone can benefit from employing a coach even for a little while.
Here are 25 reasons you should find a trusted life coach today:
You are stuck in a rut. Life coaching is excellent for shaking people out of their ruts and getting them going again.
You tend to repeat harmful patterns. As your coach I help you figure out not just what your patterns are but why you cycle through them.
You understand your faults and tendencies but you can’t make the leap to lasting change. Together we will devise an unstoppable plan for breaking old cycles and stepping into something greater.
You are ready for a new you. Looking to reinvent yourself as a confident, more exploratory person or with any new personality traits coming forward? This is a process that can be cultivated with coaching.
You are stuck in a bad relationship. Whether it’s with a friend, family member, lover or boss, a life coach can help you to rid yourself of negative relationships.
You are looking for love. Consistently desiring love and commitment but always falling short? Together we can figure out why and magnetize you for romantic love moving forward.
You are feeling stressed. Life coaching can definitely help you to reduce your stress by identifying what it is that’s causing it and how to eliminate that factor while increasing the things that bring you calm.
You are horrible at time management. Need someone to help you block out time for the things you love? A life coach can do just that.
You want to leave corporate life and start your own business.Not every life coach can help you with this, but for me it is a specialty and a real joy to take people from dream to reality with their entrepreneurial desires.
You want to lose weight or improve your health. Not every coach excels at this, but I can certainly help you with nutrition and work out goals.
You feel unorganized and frazzled. The right coach can give you fantastic organizational tools which will have you floating through life.
You are working on a new project. Need support with breaking down the necessary steps to get something done? Yup! That’s a life coach job.
You need general accountability. Some people know what to do but have a hard time getting there without someone they need to be accountable to. A life coach can be that person that holds you to your word.
You are struggling financially. The right life coach can help you identify the steps to bring more money into your life. This is a specialty of mine.
You don’t know what you want. Facing a crisis of desire? I think we’ve all been there at some point. A great coach will help you figure out what you want next.
You are feeling disconnected spiritually. Again, this is a specialty of only certain coaches and one I can help you with.
You are conflicted. If you are feeling torn between two versions of yourself. Don’t worry, you are not alone. Many people feel that way. A great coach can help you integrate the best of both parts of yourself.
You need stronger boundaries. Some people give so much they forget to take care of themselves. A coach can help you set healthy boundaries so you can be a good employee/friend/family member without losing yourself.
You are looking for a more balanced life. We are all seeking harmony. A life coach will help you find where you can shift weight for better balance in your life.
You have to have a difficult conversation and you’re not sure how. Sometimes you employ a coach for a single specific situation. That can work and sometimes it can open up more you want to work on.
You need help identifying the possibilities out there for you. It’s so hard to see ourselves clearly. Sometimes we need an outside view on what options exist for us.
You want to get past a fear. A coach can really help you take that first step into territory you find scary but need to step into for growth.
You want to up your game. Doing well but feeling that there’s a next level and want to go there. A coach can help you make that leap.
You’re tired a lot of the time. A coach can help you boost your energy. With that done there’s no limit to what you can do.
You are not sure if your dreams are your own. Most of us are so influenced by our families, countries, and cultures, we think we want a life that really is the life we think we should want to have. If we are lucky enough, a voice inside grows loud enough for us to hear the truth of our desires and non desires and we can recognize what is really right for us. If you even suspect this may be you (its most of us) make sure to talk to someone about it so you can weed through what is your truth and what is somebody else’s. This is key to building a life you love!
Sometimes though we have our best intentions we end up pushing friends away when they need us the most. When a friend is struggling or even just debating a next step, it is important to know how to be there for them. Being conscious and careful about how we respond is a kindness to a friend that will be appreciated and reciprocated when our time comes. It can be the determining factor between being pushed away or let in and make a real difference in how our friend procedes.
So how should we respond to a friend in need?
It sounds simple but real active listening is a skill that requires practice. At the core, it means being present to hear without a planned response and without thinking about what to say next while listening. It means being fully with your friend and engaging all of your senses to understand them as completely and accurately as possible.
Especially when we know someone for awhile, it can be easy to assume we know all about them. This really gets in the way of an authentic relationship in which we allow the other to grow and change and to contradict. As you are with your friend listening, imagine you are with them for the first time. Get background information. Ask them to clarify. Look for what’s missing. Paraphrase back to them and check if you’re understanding correctly.
Trust & Believe.
Sometimes all we need is for another to trust and believe in us. Even if your friend has fallen short a thousand times on promise to themselves, let them know you trust and believe they can succeed. See it for them before they can. Tell them they can have their dream if they want it. Build their esteem.
Follow up with your friend like you would with a lead or job referral. Don’t let it go too long. Let them know you are thinking of them and interested in updates. Ask a poignant question when checking in that lets them know you are really with them. Be specific and caring about what you ask. Let them know they can come to you and how best to reach out.
We all make mistakes. We all fall short. We all repeat patterns again and again before one day breaking them for real. You are not a boss or a teacher. You are a friend. Love your friend regardless and let them feel that love through their failures and successes equally strong.
Have you been showing up for your friends? In which of these ways or what other way? Comment here and share your experience.
One of the biggest obstacles to growth is the inability or unwillingness to partner. It’s a hindrance I really get. Finding the right business partner is like finding the right life partner, a rare thing that takes us on an extensive search both internally and outwardly. More often than not a heap of mistakes are made along the way resulting in heartbreak, loss of confidence, confusion and mistrust. So why keep trying? There is only one reason, and that is that the reward is so great it is worth all the trouble and failed attempts to get there.
So let’s chat about why partnership is great, who makes the perfect partner and how to find them.
Why Partnership is Great:
Partnership is great because we all have different strengths and weaknesses.
In order to reach our full potential we must at some point stop trying to be everything to everybody and acknowledge who we are and more importantly who we aren’t. By its nature, having a strength means we are lacking in its opposite. For instance, if you are a great listener, that is a skill that many wish they had, but it may mean you don’t speak up, assert yourself, tell your story. Another example is this. You may work fast (a fantastic ability) but it may mean you sometimes miss things or slip up. The right partner fills in those gaps.
Another reason for trudging through the hard times to find a good partner is the wealth of resources they bring to the table.
Each human is like a mini world. Connecting well with just one will open the door to their circles of many. Think of all the people you know and the people they know. It goes on and on. In finding one right partner, you inherit 100+ people and all their skill sets, knowledge and connections. Think of these folks as in-laws who want to come to the table and support the newest member of their family… you!
The third and perhaps the greatest reason for choosing partnership is the way it opens your vision. I’ll share my own story as an example. I founded a non-profit called Three and a Half Acres about five years ago. Before that my experience in business was running my yoga studio Land Yoga which I am the sole owner of. At Land Yoga I always made all the decisions on my own. Nonprofits don’t work that way. There is a board of directors who are involved in all the decision making. I had to learn to work a different way. It still happens that just about every time we meet there is a board member who makes a suggestion that I have the instinct to say no to just because it’s not what was in my vision. I’ve worked alone for so many years that it’s my habit to make quick decisions and give a definitive no when a suggestion comes my way that doesn’t match my very clear and singular vision. Now I’ve learned to hold that “no” back in my mouth. Instead I think about why I chose that board member, their expertise and experience. I try to see the vision they have in their head and when I do their suggestion makes total sense. Sometimes I realize that their vision is much more inline with where the organization should be going. Then I open up my view to align with theirs. A partner can see things which are hidden to us because of our programming and limitations. When we form in partnership we get to work through that and double our vision. Sometimes we even get triple vision: ours, theirs, and the one we create together.
Who Makes the Perfect Partner:
The first thing to remember is that there is no perfect partner, only the perfect partner for YOU. Find someone who can compliment your strengths with their opposite strengths, who sees a different perspective but one you respect, who can open circles, bring resources and most importantly who you can lean on trust and communicate well with. You are going to need excellent communication skills when things get tough and they will get tough. If you’ve chosen well, you’ve chosen someone different from you. That means disagreements will happen maybe a lot of them, major ones. You’ll need a deep respect for your partner and a clear process for decision making. Sound familiar? Partnering in business is very much like partnering in love.
To identify the qualities you are seeking in a partner, do a self assessment first. Here are some questions to ask yourself.
Write your answers down so you can see them on paper and gain greater clarity.
What is my biggest strength?
What are some of my blind spots?
What kind of energy would balance mine best?
What skills am I lacking that I could use in a partner?
What cultural awareness could I use strengthening in?
Journal extensively on this question:
Where do I see myself going and who is the person I need in my life that will help me get there?
How I Can Find My Perfect Partner:
Finding the right person or persons to partner with for a project or to grow your business doesn’t have to be stressful.
Start by answering the questions above and putting out there that you are “in the market”.
Talk to people about your perfect match. Wherever you are, keep an open ear for the right find. Don’t go exclusive right away. Date around. Try out different partnerships gently in low risk, low commitment projects before jumping in to a long term, legally binding situation.
We’ve all had that love at first sight situation which turned out to be more lust than love and ended up blowing up in our face. That can happen with business partnerships as well. Go slowly and build trust and communication grounding your relationship for a healthy fruitful future.
Resist the urge to pick a partner because others think they are important or of a certain status.
I speak from experience when it comes to going down this road. Choosing a partner because you think they have clout or because other people seem to like them on Instagram will not end you in a happy situation. Remember that no one is as they appear online and that there is no perfect partner, only the perfect partner for you.
Finally, remember that however careful you are with your picker, mistakes in partnership happen. Be ready to exit if and when the time calls for it and always get into any partnership with a plan for how to get out of it.
Are you working on partnership in your life? Share your experience and if any of these tips helped you in the comments below or send the blog to someone else who is!