Learning to receive as deeply as we give
In my last post I talked about my car breaking down in an area with no cars and no public transportation. I sat with this fact for a moment, in my car, wondering what I should do. Looking down at my phone I scrolled through my recent texts and calls thinking about who I’m most often in touch with and who might be at home.
When I called, my friend immediately came, but not only did she come, she said something meaningful and not very surprising to me as a social scientist—she said, I’m so happy you called me. And I knew she meant it. I knew because of the deep, powerful, meaningful, purposeful joy I get when a friend gives me the chance to help. It’s so, so powerful and I’m sure many of you have had the experience of being there for another and how good it feels.
Which is why it’s so curious when we have a problem and consider not leaning on our friends. So many clients of mine don’t want to burden anyone, maybe owe anyone, or maybe let anyone in enough to help them. They cut off a powerful avenue of support—and yet when I ask them, they always say they love when it’s reversed and they have a chance to help. So why not give this gift to another?
On a recent episode of my podcast, Beyond Trauma with Julie McGuire, Julie speaks about how help can often come from people we wouldn’t expect.
This week we are going to work on actively accepting help from expected and unexpected sources. If you are resistant—if you’ve internalized the very American value of self-sufficiency and independence—just notice that for now. Keep track if you can of all the times someone offered help or you considered reaching out for assistance but resisted.
Full post continued on Lara’s Substack this Friday.
