Holiday time can be particularly triggering for trauma survivors. It can bring up feelings of abandonment, loss, and what if’s. For some, traveling back home or to relatives’ homes is not a positive feeling. It can bring up bad memories, feel phony, or even take us out of control and out of our comfort zones.
All of this is normal and understandable.
To avoid these feelings, you may want to start a new family or friend-based holiday tradition at your home where you are more in control. If you can’t or prefer to still go see your relatives, here are some things you can do to make that experience less triggering.
Know your boundaries and make a plan in advance. Decide before you arrive how long you will stay. Make it clear if there are topics or people who are off-limits and make sure everyone agrees to your terms.
Minimize drinking. Though it may feel comforting for trauma survivors to numb out with drugs or alcohol, this can backfire when important boundaries are disturbed through these substances. Choose calming drinks instead like warm milk (even in some hot chocolate) and tea.
Check-in. Make a plan to check in with your nervous system. Take note of your heart rate and breath. Know and recognize any signs you are dysregulated and plan in advance for what you will do if they arise.
Resource Yourself. Come rested and have tools at hand that bring you comfort and increase your capacity to handle triggering family members. This could be a mantra, a squeezy ball, a breathing technique, or anything you know works for you.
The overall lesson for trauma survivors trying to reduce trauma triggers on the holidays and have happy holiday traditions is to plan in advance what you will say and do if triggered and let the family know ahead of time what your boundaries are and agree to them.
Wishing you all a safe and healthy holiday time!
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