Harville Hendrix, PhD, and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD, are celebrated relationship experts and co-creators of the Imago Relationship Therapy model, which revolutionized couples counseling.
Their groundbreaking book Getting the Love You Want became a bestseller, helping millions enhance their romantic relationships through intentional dialogue and empathy. Together, they’ve authored numerous books and founded Safe Conversations, an organization dedicated to fostering connection and understanding in relationships of all kinds. Their work emphasizes the transformative power of conscious communication, making them pioneers in promoting deeper interpersonal bonds.
Harville and Helen’s latest book, How to Talk with Anyone About Anything, introduces their “Safe Conversations Dialogue” method, a structured approach to fostering connection across differences. At its core, the book aims to address how polarization and misunderstandings undermine relationships by providing practical tools to transform conversations. These tools include practicing true dialogue (instead of monologue), maintaining zero negativity, fostering empathy, and offering affirmations. The method emphasizes creating safety in the “space between” people, which is key to meaningful connection.
This holiday season, as families and friends gather—sometimes with differing viewpoints—these principles can help create more harmonious interactions. Here’s how you can apply their insights:
1. Engage in True Dialogue
Rather than focusing on expressing your viewpoint, practice listening deeply to understand others. During Thanksgiving, ask open-ended questions like, “What has been the most meaningful part of this year for you?” This encourages others to share and feel valued.
2. Eliminate Negativity
Consciously replace criticism with constructive requests. For example, if tensions rise, reframe your thoughts into positive expressions such as, “Could we try to focus on what we’re thankful for today?”
3. Cultivate Empathy
Adopt a curious stance toward differing opinions. If a relative shares a viewpoint you don’t agree with, instead of reacting defensively, respond with curiosity: “That’s interesting—can you tell me more about how you arrived at that perspective?”
4. Offer Affirmations
Express genuine appreciation for others, not just for their actions but for their presence. Saying something like, “I appreciate how you bring humor to our family gatherings,” reinforces connection and warmth.
Hendrix and Hunt’s method aligns with their broader vision of reducing societal polarization by focusing on connection, collaboration, and co-creation. By applying these strategies during the holidays, we can create an atmosphere of safety and inclusion, making gatherings more enjoyable and meaningful for everyone.
Learn more about Imago therapy and how to apply it with your romantic partner and other relationships on the latest episode of Beyond Trauma.
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