by jimmycrow | Dec 16, 2023 | COACHING, COMMUNITY, LAND BLOG, LARA LAND, Self Improvement, SELF-IMPROVEMENT
In the intricate tapestry of human relationships, the concept of trauma bonding stands out as a complex and often misunderstood phenomenon.
Rooted in shared experiences of adversity, trauma bonding creates powerful emotional connections between individuals who have endured difficult or traumatic situations together. This blog explores the dynamics of trauma bonding, its psychological underpinnings, and offers insights into breaking free from its grip.
Defining Trauma Bonding
Trauma bonding refers to the intense emotional connection formed between individuals who have experienced challenging, distressing, or traumatic events together. These bonds can arise in various relationships, including familial, romantic, or even within tightly-knit communities. The shared struggle creates a unique connection, binding individuals through a shared history of pain.
The Psychological Mechanism
At its core, trauma bonding is deeply rooted in the psychological mechanisms of attachment and survival. When individuals face adversity together, a powerful bond forms as a coping mechanism. This bond becomes a source of comfort and support, even in situations where the relationship itself may be unhealthy or toxic. The brain, in an attempt to survive and find solace, strengthens the connection between those who have faced trauma side by side.
Common Scenarios of Trauma Bonding
- Abusive Relationships: Trauma bonding is often observed in abusive relationships where the victim forms a strong emotional connection with the perpetrator. The cyclical nature of abuse, with moments of kindness following episodes of harm, reinforces the bond.
- Hostage Situations: Individuals taken hostage or held captive can develop trauma bonds with their captors. The shared experience of fear and vulnerability can create a bond as a survival strategy.
- Childhood Abuse: Children who experience abuse within their families may form trauma bonds with their abusive caregivers. The attachment to the abuser can persist into adulthood, impacting future relationships.
Breaking Free from Trauma Bonds
Recognizing and addressing trauma bonding is a crucial step toward breaking free from its influence. Here are some strategies for individuals seeking to overcome trauma bonds:
- Self-awareness: Acknowledge and understand the dynamics of the trauma bond. Recognizing the pattern is the first step towards breaking free.
- Seek Professional Help: Trauma bonding can be deeply ingrained, and seeking the guidance of a therapist or counselor can provide valuable insights and coping mechanisms.
- Establish Boundaries: Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries is essential. This involves recognizing when a relationship is harmful and taking steps to protect oneself.
- Build a Support System: Cultivate connections with friends, family, or support groups who can provide healthy emotional support. Developing positive relationships can counterbalance the impact of trauma bonds.
- Self-Compassion: Understand that breaking free from trauma bonds is a process that takes time. Be patient with yourself and practice self-compassion as you navigate the journey toward healing.
Trauma bonding is a complex and challenging aspect of human psychology, impacting individuals in various relationships and situations. By fostering self-awareness, seeking professional help, and cultivating healthy connections, individuals can break free from the chains of trauma bonding and embark on a path toward healing and resilience. Remember, the journey toward breaking these bonds is an empowering step towards reclaiming one’s emotional well-being.
by jimmycrow | Nov 27, 2023 | COACHING, COMMUNITY, LAND BLOG, LARA LAND, Self Improvement, SELF-IMPROVEMENT
In the bustling hallways and vibrant classrooms of our schools, students embark on journeys of learning and personal growth.
However, for many, these spaces can also be a source of stress and anxiety, especially for those who have experienced trauma. Recognizing the prevalence of trauma in students’ lives, educators are increasingly turning their attention to creating trauma-sensitive schools. This transformative approach not only fosters a safer environment for students but also enhances their overall well-being and academic success.
Understanding Trauma:
Trauma can manifest in various forms, including physical, emotional, or psychological experiences that overwhelm an individual’s ability to cope. Common sources of trauma for students include abuse, neglect, violence, or witnessing distressing events in their communities.
The Impact of Trauma on Learning:
Trauma can significantly impact a student’s ability to learn. When the brain is in a constant state of alert due to traumatic experiences, it becomes challenging for students to focus, regulate emotions, and engage in the learning process. Traditional disciplinary measures may exacerbate the situation, leading to a cycle of disengagement and frustration.
Key Elements of Trauma-Sensitive Schools:
Build Trusting Relationships:
- Creating a safe learning environment starts with building trusting relationships between students and educators. This involves fostering open communication, active listening, and empathy. When students feel seen and heard, they are more likely to engage positively with the learning process.
Cultivate a Safe Physical Environment:
- The physical layout of a school can either contribute to or alleviate a student’s sense of safety. Simple adjustments, such as comfortable seating arrangements, quiet spaces for reflection, and clear expectations for behavior, can make a significant difference in creating a supportive environment.
Provide Professional Development for Educators:
- Educators play a crucial role in recognizing and responding to signs of trauma. Professional development programs that equip teachers with the knowledge and skills to identify trauma symptoms and implement trauma-sensitive practices are essential for creating an inclusive learning environment.
Implement Trauma-Informed Discipline:
- Traditional disciplinary methods may not be effective for students who have experienced trauma. A trauma-sensitive approach involves understanding the root causes of behavior, implementing restorative practices, and providing alternatives to punitive measures.
Promote Emotional Regulation:
- Teaching students emotional regulation strategies empowers them to navigate the challenges of the learning environment. Mindfulness activities, breathing exercises, and other self-regulation techniques can be integrated into daily routines to help students manage stress and anxiety.
Collaborate with Families and Communities:
- Building a trauma-sensitive school extends beyond the classroom walls. Collaborating with families and community organizations creates a holistic support system for students. Engaging parents in their children’s education and connecting with community resources can provide additional layers of support.
In the pursuit of educational excellence, it’s crucial not to overlook the well-being of students. Creating trauma-sensitive schools is not just about accommodating those who have experienced trauma; it’s about fostering an environment where every student feels safe, supported, and capable of reaching their full potential. By implementing these practices, educators can play a pivotal role in transforming schools into spaces that promote healing, growth, and a lifelong love of learning.
To learn more about the trauma sensitive practices being implemented at the school I’m working at and about Thereputic Crisis Intervention for Schools (TCIS) take a listen to this week’s episode of the Beyond Trauma Podcast. If you are interested in learning more about how to make your school trauma sensitive contact me here.
by Lara Land | Nov 12, 2023 | COACHING, COMMUNITY, LAND BLOG, LARA LAND, Self Improvement, SELF-IMPROVEMENT
In the world of psychology and family therapy, Dr. Pauline Boss stands as a pioneer for her groundbreaking work in introducing the concept of “ambiguous loss.”
Her research and dedication have illuminated a unique and often overlooked aspect of human suffering. In this blog, we’ll delve into the life and work of Dr. Pauline Boss and explore the profound impact of her coinage of the term “ambiguous loss.”
Who is Dr. Pauline Boss?
Dr. Pauline Boss is a renowned family therapist, educator, and author known for her profound contributions to the field of psychology. She received her Ph.D. from the University of Wisconsin-Madison and has spent her career studying family stress and the impact of ambiguous loss on individuals and their families.
Understanding Ambiguous Loss:
Ambiguous loss, a term coined by Dr. Pauline Boss in the 1970s, refers to a unique type of loss that is characterized by its uncertainty and lack of closure. Unlike traditional loss, such as the death of a loved one, where the absence is clear and final, ambiguous loss is often marked by the absence of a loved one, but their physical presence or relationship remains. There are two primary types of ambiguous loss:
- Type 1 Ambiguous Loss: This occurs when a person is physically absent but remains psychologically present. Examples include situations of dementia, addiction, divorce, and immigration.
- Type 2 Ambiguous Loss: This happens when a person is physically present but psychologically absent. Instances include situations of severe brain injury, mental illness, or a loved one who is emotionally distant.
The Impact of Ambiguous Loss:
Ambiguous loss can have a profound psychological and emotional impact on individuals and families. Unlike traditional loss, it does not offer the closure needed to grieve and move forward. This ongoing ambiguity can lead to feelings of confusion, depression, and chronic stress.
Dr. Pauline Boss has emphasized the importance of acknowledging and validating the pain associated with ambiguous loss. Her work has helped therapists and individuals understand that it is possible to grieve even when a loved one is physically present. Furthermore, she has developed therapeutic techniques and coping strategies to help people navigate these complex and challenging situations.
The Legacy of Dr. Pauline Boss:
Dr. Pauline Boss’s work on ambiguous loss has had a significant and lasting impact on the field of psychology, particularly in the realm of family therapy and grief counseling. She has authored several books, including “Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief,” which has become a foundational text for mental health professionals and families dealing with ambiguous loss. Her contributions to the understanding and treatment of ambiguous loss have not only provided solace and validation to countless individuals but have also paved the way for further research and therapeutic approaches in the field. That’s why it was an unbelievable honor to welcome her to the Beyond Trauma Podcast. Our conversation is rich with nuance and deeply current. I hope you will listen and leave your thoughts on this topic.
by Lara Land | Oct 8, 2018 | COACHING, LAND BLOG, LARA LAND
Have you ever thought to yourself that you’ve invested too much to pull out of the life you’ve created, even though something is telling you it’s not your truest calling? Maybe you dare not ask, dare not consider changing direction at this point in the game. Most of us feel this way, especially because so many supporters become invested in our story and have a stake in the life we have lived up until now. I want you to know it is NEVER too late to change direction especially if it means following your highest calling. That is why I decided to share my story with you today.
I went to Boston University for acting. My parents struggled to pay costly tuition and grudgingly supported my college years getting a major in a subject they did not think worthy of such time, fees, and support. Everyone knew me as the actress since I was six years old. I went to a weekend theater school and did all the school plays straight through high school. I enjoyed being on stage but I had secret reservations I was somehow a sham. At 17 I had too much ego to look into those reservations. My focus was much more on proving naysayers wrong. So I went to University and pursued acting.
Two things happened along the way that would change my course forever. One was my deepening discovery of yoga and encounter with Ashtanga Yoga. The other was the asking of one of my teachers this simple question: Do you believe you can change the world through theater? To be clear, I do think the impact of performing arts is world-changing, but as I sat with that question, I couldn’t say that I thought I could change the world through acting. I did want to change the world for the better and I had found a practice that I had faith I could do it through. That practice was and remains yoga.
I didn’t just drop acting in one day. It took me a while to investigate the yoga thing and prepare myself to make the transition to yet another unconventional life path. I knew I’d be disappointing a lot of people, both by destroying their image of what they thought was me and by asking them to get behind another atypical career choice. I had to be certain before I could share and change the way others skepticism might rock me.
When I found I was certain and I started letting them know. In the transition time, I spoke less about acting, slipped in some doubts and shared bits about my new found love of yoga, preparing the way for both myself and my community for my eventual coming out as a full-time yoga teacher. I started changing my story.
I was in my late 20’s when this all went down, which some will say is plenty early in life to make a change, but I will argue ANY age is early enough to throw it all away: 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and beyond, if the all is not your true calling. I was as known and wrapped up in the identity of “actress” as anyone in any long-time career and made the same steps anyone will have to, to remove myself from the web of that identity. And it could happen again.
Even now, my role as yoga teacher though still very much present is being tested by my work as a coach, writer, and company director. Which identity will win out is yet to be seen. Maybe I’ll be able to thrive with some blend of them all. Maybe not. What I do know for sure is that I won’t be afraid to walk away from a role which isn’t mine to fill anymore. I have the memory of my first experience leaving acting as a guide and I hope my sharing that memory helps you to identify when it’s time for you to change and gives you the courage to go for it.
Not sure if it’s time to throw it all away to step into the next and better? Below are some questions to ask yourself which will help you find your clarity.
- Are you in a field you’ve outgrown or never truly fit?
- Are you fulfilling someone else’s dream?
- Is there another path calling?
- Has there always been a whisper you’ve been too scared to follow?
- What you would do if you could do the thing which is truly you?
It is never too late to reinvent yourself and do so successfully. Do take the time to ask yourself this self-probing follow up questions as well.
- Am I thinking of throwing my current life away because of fear I can’t succeed?
- Do I often quit when things are tough and jump around from identity to identity?
- Is my reinvention something I’ve wanted consistently for a long time?
- What would success look like and what are the resources I have to get there?
Comment below if you’ve been through or are thinking of going through a major transformation and you use your story to help others. Then take a look at my recent Train Your Brain for Success talk at Women Who Wow where I share my story and offer some other tricks for stepping into a new and better you.
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